Trust in the Lord with all your heart

     I have had a personal revelation as of late.  Each time I pray, I always say "may your will be done."  I have prayed this statement as long as I can remember; for ill friends, my children, relatives going through tough personal circumstances, and most recently, the election.  What I have realized is that when I make the statement "may your will be done," what I actually mean is I hope your will is the same as mine, because that is what I really want.
     I go into the prayer seeking God's help, but still try to hang onto my will.  Why is it so hard to trust?  I have had so many good things happen for me, I have so many things to be thankful for.  Why is it that I have a hard time trusting God's sovereignty in all situations?  when I trusted Him for a new job, i got one that I loved almost immediately.  however, before that, i held out and tried to do things on my own for years and was miserable.  One day, I took the plunge, and the rewards were great.  Why was this not enough for me?
     Part of the problem is that we like to control our lives and like to be able to take care of things ourselves, but god wants to do things for us, he loves us even more than we love our own children.  I would literally do anything I possibly could for my own children.  I worry about them daily, think of them constantly, and love them with every fiber of my being.  I celebrate their joys with them, and grieve their sorrows with them.  How much greater is God's love for us?
     Striving to be the person he wants me to be often ends in failure.  Although I want to be in the exact place he has planned for me, I often grow tired of waiting for the pay off and try to take over.  There has been so much pain and sorrow in my life, but all of this has made me into the person I am today.  But, there has also been joy, so much joy.  I am so thankful for the life I have been given and will try to let go and trust more.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

On another note, the holiday baking extravaganza begins in one week!